'DAFT HACKER' crashing Halo PC servers...

When you see that in your feed, you have roughly five seconds to ban the guy. And that may not even stop the crash.

Look, I'm a fucker for pirating the game, and there's no valid excuse for it. I know that. (Well, I did buy it years ago, but I've lost it since... Does that abate the crime somewhat?)

But tell me something. Which is a better indicator of mental instability - pirating content because you don't want to pay for it again, or finding insatiable gratification in destroying others'?

This nancy - DAFT HACKER - literally sits at the computer for hours and watches Halo PC temp servers pop up on the Gamespy directory, then nukes each within seconds of joining them. My server's been an unwilling participant in this song and dance for a few months, and perhaps to a lesser extent prior - I just didn't know I was being 'boomed'. I blamed it on Windows, or an awry mod - at least, until I started noticing patterns. I live on the east coast of the US and he usually begins showing up around 7pm for a few hours. Those hours are a dark mire for Halo 1.0.4.607 temp servers.

I guess what really grinds my gears most is, when he's on, I can't get a server up for longer than three minutes before he's already torn it down. All this tells me is he really doesn't do much with his time but Broly every crashable that pings online. I'll wager this type of committed behavior borders on some form of neurosis - because as you'll see with a Google search, he's been doing this for awhile:

http://www.mpcforum.com/archive/index.php/t-110895.html

http://www.xfire.com/videos/132786

http://antinoobclan.webs.com/apps/guestbook/

http://www.freewebs.com/broomish/apps/forums/topics/show/7388703

(Ctrl+f and type "daft hacker" on each page to find the references.)

As you can see in the first link, he's been at it for at least three years. Three fucking years. Who has three years to spend entertaining themselves by staring down a directory and crashing temp servers on a video game? That's just assuming he hasn't been doing it longer.

...and YOUR server, and YOUR server, and YOUR server...

I figure people who categorically fall into whatever basket he belongs are the same kind that would go home and microwave their hamster if someone didn't hold the automatic door for them at Wal-Mart. They can't take a fucking loss, or want more people to join their server... or could just be 12-year-olds who haven't figured out their penis has a second function - but I'm wagering most of my chips these are zit-ridden basement-dwelling autistic 40-somethings getting stroked by welfare. See, whatever their problem is, my verdict is all the same and unconditional: I'd open their computers, piss on the innards, stomp a brick of shit into the memory contacts, then let the dough rise for 30 minutes at 400 degrees. Crash that, douchedick.

Typically, people like DAFT HACKER...

1. belong to clans
2. have 'hacker', 'crasher', 'fuckyourserver', etc. in their username,
3. and have it tÝÞed صt ¡n Æ¢©ented §ymßΩls

If they meet at least two of those requisites, chances are pretty fair they have collaborative access to various third-party tools - namely, crashware. That's their e-peen. They wave it around and crash servers and chew bubblegum. They wear bandanas and shit in plastic Fisher-Price training potties. They live in unfurnished basements and have slept in the same semen-stained Thomas and Friends bedsheets since their last NSA-recorded date of employment. If they were female, they aren't anymore. "How can you kill that which has no life?"

With every patch to fix the exploit, players would find a way to circumvent it.

This DoS exploit was supposedly fixed in a series of patches which pirated copies (like mine) can't access. As it so-happens, that's the only copy anyone really uses anymore. A year ago there used to be over 2,500 people at its peak. Now? 400 at best. I realize this game's almost 11 years old, but this hacktivism fuckery probably has a lot more to do with it. And that's probably what it is, because if you've ever spotted some of the server titles on HPC or HCE, there are some patently disturbed people out there who pride themselves on a hobby of destroying all server support for video games. Halo PC isn't the only one.

Somehow, I feel like Halo PC should have the CD key checks stripped and the game put up for free download. Halo 3's free on the 360 now... Just saying.

Dedicated servers are crash-immune but don't work if they run off a pirated copy of the game. I learned this the hard way after spending an unrealized number of hours managing to set one up, just to find I couldn't join it because my CD key's invalid, as it were. As a result, I'm throwing my hands up - I can't find my old copy, the copy I have is getting crashed, all pirated editions of the game are the same non-updatable cracked 1.0.4.607 versions, and a new legit copy's only $10 online. I earned that much on Textbroker today - it's like, free.

I guess something good has come out of all this bullshit after all: morality, friendship, don't steal, ponies, and two middle fingers up DAFT's arse for dictating which evenings I can and can't unwind from a day of work.